Just As i Am...


but i'm le tired...

i'm boring.
nothing to update you on...
so i thought i'd share the End of the World with you!

NOTE: bad language. so don't play it at work ... but it's well worth getting fired for if you decided to do it anyway! Happy Weekend...

ps - scott, this makes me think of you... "eh"


Words of Wisdom

The things you fear are undefeatable not by their nature, but by YOUR approach...
- Jewel Kilcher
Just a quote that keeps slapping me over and over and over again... and so true! my blessed Jewel... oh where did you go?
and... if you have myspace and you have not added me, all i can say is "WHY THE HELL NOT?!" so come out lurkers.
Click here for my profile!


For one night... i was a super star!

wait... SALT stands for Staff of the Amarillo Little Theater

and they get to chose someone to give an award to for memorable moments of the season. Well, i may not have one for Best Female Lead, but i did win this puppy - the Great Escape Award.

For almost going to jail an hour before our last performance of the play. Yes. i won! acceptance speech and all. it was a ton of fun!

Man have i been busy this weekend. nothing exciting. all work. in a period of 96 hours, i will have worked 34 hours. that's just too damn much. too damn much.

i'm off to run errands.

oh and! considering my last post was so crazy, i thought i'd share that when changing a diaper, i refuse REFUSE to use more than two wipes. don't ask where the logic in that is... cause i don't know!


epiphany of the day!

went to the restroom for a number one potty break...
and realized that i use about two feet of toilet paper in one sitting (pun intended)
no wonder i run out all the time...

thought you needed to know


cause he didn't have to be...

When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run
I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is "I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be"
... cause he didn't have to be
- Brad Paisley

** Perfect song for my daddy on his day! I know you'll never read this. I know you'll never understand how much you mean to me. How much this 12 year old little girl welcomed you into her life because you made my momma so happy. because you were the missing link in our family. because you never introduced me as "my step daughter" or "my wife's daughter" but as YOUR daughter. because you gave me a ring on your wedding day as well to symbolize your committment to me as a father. because you've cried with me over silly things.

also because as a single mommy, i have faith that God has great things in store for my son. Not just for me, but because i know that if there is ONE great man out there that will take in a little girl as his own, that the very same can happen for my little boy.

and when i see you playing with laken in your own little ways. i am flooded with that emotion all over again. because i know that you ARE that man in his life right now. and i thank you. on behalf of myself. and laken as well.

i hope that i can raise my son to be HALF the man that you didn't HAVE to be.

... cause you didn't have to be!


my momma's birthday was yesterday. she tripped over a chair and banged her face on her wooden-ended recliner, cut it open and now looks like she's storing acorns in her cheeks for the winter. poor thing. i love her.

went to the grocery store and spent some major bucks on rachel ray's 7 Menu thingie in her magazine. She gives you a week of recipes and even a shopping list. Guys at the produce dept were laughing, surely, when i said, "what's arugula? where are the basil leaves?" and ten seconds later came up and asked, "where's the cilantro?" The people in the cheese department were not so thrilled when i asked for a "one pound ball of mozzarella" and some "parmagiano" cheese and some "fontina" I swear. cooking is not my forte.

people at Hobby Lobby and Michael's were not very patient when i asked for modeling paste and when they asked "what are you going to use it for?" i just blinked blankly and said "i dunno" i spent twenty minutes looking for that shizz...

Today's GREAT THE GREAT'S birthday! what are you... 29?? i hope my girls are front in center like yours when i'm 29. love you and hope you had a blast! please head over to two peas and check out your lovin

lost my creative flow. if you see it, please drop it in the nearest mailbox with some scrappy supplies to keep her warm...

found some mini oreos for laken. he likes to stick them all in his mouth at once.

spent the night last night hunched over the coffee table while my roommate peeled skin off my back. are you sure you guys wouldn't want some chriselda skinz??? i have plenty of it!! haha! i had to vaccuum myself up. it was kinda freakishly disturbing

britney spears and her interview with Matt Lauer is about to come on. gawd i love to hate to love her!!!

>MUAH< love and lots of it!


the thing is...

my skin feels nasty (please see post below)
i can finally move today. yesterday sucked because i had to go to work and wear a bra. didn't want to sock somebody in the eye with one of the girls.

my roommate is visiting family today and i've had the house to myself
i can't remember the last time i lived alone.
i kinda miss it.
i miss apartment life sometimes, too.

anyway, Michelle emailed me and asked if i wanted to take part in a new type of scrapbooking challenge. very a la the Effer Dares or Freestyle Blog. but this one is different in that it will require you to really weigh in. And by that i mean... How much is too much?? I don't head it up, by any means, but i hope that we see some stuff that is over the top in content too. i'm tired of the fluffy stuff that i see in every single issue of every single scrapbooking magazine. If i had the money to start a Realist sort of magazine... i'd do it. In any event, i encourage you to head on over to the blog we started and link up your pages. This first challenge is definitely Michelle style! Not to mention that she sucks you in with a reference to Arby's Roast Beef and Cheddar!

So i have over 10,000 photos and i still can't find anything to scrap. so please... send me stuff.

and sorry to the boys and non scrappers for the sidetrack into scrapbooking lalaland


once again... i can't make this stuff up

ok. so people... I'm nominated for an ALTA which is an Amarillo Little Theater Award for best female lead!!! So excited!! I don't think i'll win, but to get nominated in itself is an honor! So we have our little mini-Oscar night for the theater on June 24th.

so i've been dieting. here it is and i've lost 5lbs in four days.

Breakfast - oatmeal and egg whites
Lunch - my one "big meal" of the day that also has one serving of carbs. and it can't be anything white. so it's whole grain stuff here!
Dinner - tuna or some peanut butter on whole wheat bread

absolutely nothing to drink besides water. and i've done at least 45 minutes of cardio everyday. however, yesterday was my day off from exercising because i was sore and also because i had a ton of friggin' errands to run. one of them was to go to the Tanning Salon since i had gone dress shopping for the ALTAs that morning. My dress is backless and i decided i needed to tan it up.

Well folks, my whole exercising thing came to a screaching halt when i realized this:

falling asleep in a tanning bad is NEVER a good idea!!
i went twenty minutes. butt ass naked. didn't realize it was hot because i had turned the fan on.
sorry i had to expose my fat ass to the www
i cropped the second picture so you couldn't see me holding up the girls
i am in so much pain, i am literally walking around like a penguin.
can't bend my knees cause the backs are burned
can barely wear clothes
and as michelle likes to call me ... i'm "Bloody Mary" oh lord...
at least the ALTAs are a couple of weeks away still!


not so black and white...

i am drifting...
without an anchor
through your ambiguous region
strange continent - immune to all reason
and i'm flattered
by your grey matter

ok. so life is blah.
and if you've known me for two seconds you know i don't like fluff.
so take your marshmallows elsewhere
i'm dieting. because i can't be fat anymore
and because i refuse to buy fat clothes.
i'm purging my system of all this yucky stuff
and i keep coming up gasping for air.
i'm drowning in it!
truth? i am almost depressed again
because once again, i look around and all i see is empty space
and my deal is that i don't like to have someone fill it for me
but is it too much to ask that once, when i spin around with my arms up in the air
up in defeat
waving my white flag
that there be someone in my periphereal that is there to anchor down the spin?
can someone please fuckin' reach out to me and just say,
"i'm here. stop spinning like mad trying to find me...."




there's nothing to update you on

i haven't worked all week
i watched DaVinci code... eeeeeh.
i drank two Margaritas during happy hour yesterday
i took laken to the dentist to have his three teeth checked out (ridiculous if you ask me)
i broke two nails
it rained
i found an oak tree that i'd been looking for so i could complete a scrappy page. well, i'm not sure it's oak. so... you tell me. and if it's an elm - just lie and say "oak" it really is a big tree. it looks small. anyway... just say "oak" But if it is an elm - say "elm" but "it's oak" got it??? good

alright. have a good weekend y'all. i'm off to the gym.