Just As i Am...


'tis the season...

it's already christmas time. i can hardly believe it! i haven't even started shopping and don't really anticipate doing it any time soon either. BAH HUMBUG!!

I'm still not over thanksgiving. Anyway...here are a few photos to help you understand why i am the way i am!

First of all... Grocery Shopping (as you can tell from my last post) is a chore for me. The best thing about it is that they have a parking space at the front of the lot especially for:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com awesome eh?? It's especially for us. Because the pregnant ones hate to waddle their kankles in the stores and the new ones simply become exhausted from pulling the car seat out. It's about time they realize that the handicaps should park elsewhere... they have to do NO work... they get to WHEEL themselves into the stores (please don't take offense... i am joking)!

I got to go to my first crop since moving back home this past weekend to help ease the stress of school and work and school and work... and oh yeah, i'm a mom too! And thank the lord above my son understands and fully supports the two loves in my life... Scrapbooking and Sex and the City.
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My week has been pretty busy. I'm finally feeling like i have some sort of life and things are happening that don't happen 20 other times during the week. My friend that used to work with me at Olive Garden but took off to Lubbock (hey hey brynne!!) came back to town for the holidays. He called and we met up at the good ol' OG and ate dinner. He's such a sweetheart and a nice guy. So after wine samples, appetizers, food, dessert and countless jokes about my age - we said goodnight. It was so good to see him again! and if he ever finds this blog - J! i miss you and your picking on me. And i love you more than toilet paper. (AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!)

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Now... it's Thanksgiving Day - and there are a few things that shouldn't be allowed to grace the table. Like fruit cake. Or... these suckers. Who the heck?? And this is just to prove how insane my family is....
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Chicken feet? Why? Who wants to eat that? And furthermore, HOW do you eat that? My cousin picked one up and started picking her nose with it. (and you wonder where i get it from...)

every family has one... ours has several.
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yessir. He certainly makes the mullet look good. And our family look crazy.

My tHaNkS:

for so many things in my life. Even though i constantly complain and fail to see the bright side of anything... i am truly blessed in my life. I have a very loving family, wonderful friends, excellent hobby addictions, and ... great hair. (now if i would only wash and brush it once in a while...)

But on a serious note - i am thankful for this woman right here. The woman who i was afraid to say, "Mom, I'm pregnant" to because i thought she would reach through the phone and backhand me. The woman whose reaction to such news set the pace for my pregnancy when she said "Well, I'm excited!" The woman who called me three, four, twenty times a day with baby names over the course of nine months. The woman who flew to San Antonio to be with me after Laken was born. The one who opened her home and doors to us - the mini family - when i abruptly decided to move. The one who asks me with a sad look on her face "you're going to move?" when i tell her that i am looking for an apartment. The woman that loves my son so much that he's overwhelmed with it and can't help but squeal in delight when he sees her. The woman who thought emotion was a sign of weakness and that life is serious 100% of the time and now walks around saying "Shapes Colors Animals!" in a tiny Baby Einstein voice just to get my son to laugh. The one who understands me because she's been a single mom... she's been a child forced to grow up. She's been me... and i have turned into my mother. and for that, I am thankful!
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I am thankful for my son. He is the reason that i can say "thanks" in the first place. He is the reason that i look at this world and think "wow, this isn't such a bad place after all." I am thankful that he inspires me to see things from a different and fresh light. That he can stare at a ceiling fan or oven knob forever and see so much in it. And i look at him - and i look at myself - and i look at this world and i'm in awe. I'm learning it all anew. I'm thankful that i've learned to take baby steps right along with him... That i know that there's so much out there to conquer but that right now, i just really need to focus on that cheerio in front of me... I'm thankful that despite such a complicated and often terrifying pregnancy - that i have a healthy little boy. And most of all, i'm thankful that he's happy. Thankful that he is constantly smiling and sticking his tongue out. Thankful that he's happy to be here when he really had no say in the matter... I'm thankful that he's been given to me. Thankful that i was chosen... CHOSEN!

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things that make you go "hmmmm"

or is it ummmm? or was it mmmmm?? does anyone remember the song and care to clarify it for me?

well, as far as i'm concerned... these are things that make me go hmmmm (insert delirious grin with half closed eyes...)

** i absolutely love the way my body bruises if i am so much as thumped! I played volleyball this morning and pfffft... got bruises on my hands from serving. just hitting the ball a few times a day has made me look like a battered woman in need of shelter.

** i had a two hour long conversation with a complete stranger last night and have never been called "Morose" so many times in my entire life. Stranger says to me "stop beating yourself up so much... you're so morose. Your sense of humor is like deadpan." thanks buddy!!!

** my organic chemistry lab instructor has a delicious accent... and a slight gap in his teeth that i find incredibly sexy. Why? and i'm not talking about a gap like the one Madge has either. No, this is a little smaller than the Material Girl's. But nonetheless... who would've thought that i would find a space between two teeth -that is NOT supposed to be there... attractive.

** i had to go to the (GASP) grocery store last night. This is the first time in about ..... years that i've had to go to the grocery store. I always went to Super Target, or Wal-Mart. But i hate Wal-Mart with a passion. I only go there because i have to in order to get laken's stuff. Soooo, last night i had to go to the actual market. Apparently, i looked completely lost so one of the guys stocking the shelves asks if i needed help. I said "where's the bread." After he sends me to the wrong aisle, i come back across the store to correct him so he doesn't confuse poor defenseless non-Martha's on their mission to find dinner rolls and sweet potatoes - he asks me (with a hint of smart ass) if i need help finding anything else. So i said, "sweet potatoes." he walks me over to the produce dept. Hey! why don't sweet taters come in a bag like regular russett? I had to weigh and buy them individually. Now... i maybe be a science major and plan to cut humans open some day... but you want me to weigh things? Why can't you just make it easy and bag 'em up for me and label them with a sticker??? After that, i am talking to Laken, telling him his mom is a stoopid ass that can't do simple math. And sweet taters, or yams, or whatever the hell the PC term for them is - fall out of those cheap little produce bags and roll around the produce dept - reminding me of an excursion to the grocery store last year where i stood in front of the tomatoes and asked the woman next to me if i, indeed, was holding up a Roma tomato. She frowned, said yes as though i didn't have anything higher than a kindergarten education and i replied with (what i thought was a good excuse) "I don't cook" and she looked at me head to toe, stuck her nose out and tsked in my direction as she walked away saying "shame on you...." Excuse me. I'm not a housewife... no desire to be Susie Homemaker or be the class mom that makes the best cookies. I just want to have a career that pays me enough to hire someone else to do it for me.

** I went to the career center at school today because i found out i was eligible for free money if i just work at the school. Why didn't i already do this?? I had to take tests and found out i type about a gagilion words a minute. but i'm only about 2% accurate. (not really....) I think the numbers were more like 57WPM and 94% accuracy.

** the other day i said "caca stain" to someone to insult them and decided i love that phrase. So caca stain it is.

** Grey's Anatomy is the ONE HOUR OF TELEVISION i watch a week. and i love it. on friday's i walk around asking "is today sunday?" it's great. but this week, sigh. was such a disappointment. And i can't (for the life of me) remember these people's names. I know there is Dr. Sheperd (or Dr. McDreamy), O'Malley, Meredith, Dr. Burke, Alex... but i can't remember the blonde girl's name. Can't remember Sandra Oh's name... someone help me! this has to stop. and i'm too lazy to google it....

** two of my Solar Nails just popped off randomly. one was while i was fastening laken's car seat. and the other..,. i just looked at my hands and realized it was missing. WTF? i pay $40 for this crap to just POP off my nail beds???

** i'm listening to the iPod and Otto Titsling just came on. Gotta love Bette Midler and shuffle song...

.... i just realized i'm sitting in the middle of a Politics Lecture in the computer lab and i'm distracting everyone with my typing.

so i'll leave you with this. where can i get one of these boogers?

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not much new going on. i'm debating running around town and taking pictures or going to see Jarhead at the theater. I really am in the need to have a mini orgasm. And who better than Jake Gyllenhaal to be the one to give it to me??

and here is a little gas humor. and not the explosive gas that comes after a tall glass of milk or Pintos n cheese from Taco bell either....

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i'm short and sweet.... but hey - i'm off to support my honey's acting career!



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everday i spend ten minutes washing baby bottles...

that's 70 minutes a week... 280 minutes a month... 3360 minutes a year. i will spend roughly 2.3 days of the year washing baby bottles....

(don't ask me why i torture myself this way....)

i'm sorry... what was it that you were bitching about???


can we get a little randomness??

so i've been in a funk. still am technically speaking.

first off - my gramma is doing well. She ended up having to have two stints put in her arteries. We were up at the hospital last night with her. She called right before her surgery and said she wanted to wake up to my son. How cute is that? So we took him up there. She got to see him, but we took him in there a second time, and they said "scuse me miss?? You can't bring babies back here. Too many germs and we don't want him exposed." I understand that whole concept and that it's more for my son's protection than anything. What doesn't make sense to me is aren't *i* exposed to the germs already? and in turn, don't i turn around and pass them to my son?? We'd been sitting in that hospital for hours! HOURS! (i'm no genious... but, seriously)

Now... on to the randomness...

** I'm flirting with the techie guy in our school's computer lab. He's such a good sport about it. We have a no food policy in here and he's munching down on some donuts. So i kindly reminded him of the rules. That i don't make them, just follow them. And then i asked him some questions about my missing itunes program! Told him no biggie that it erases itself every night so we don't get viruses. Then he says "so, basically, you just wanted to come give me a hard time?" and i said..."yeah! basically." and walked away saying something about really "just wanting a donut...."

** i'm a stuck up. i totally stuck my nose up in the air at someone carrying around a discman. c'mon buddy... God help the soul who walks around campus with a tape player.

** When i was in NYC a couple years ago, this lady asked me to take a picture of her and her significant other in front of the Christmas tree. I have a Digital Rebel hanging around my neck and she hands me her camera and says "you're not going to steal it are you?" and i look at this little camera she's put in my hands and say "it's a disposable camera." (i'm a camera snob too, apparently) WHY WOULD I STEAL A DISPOSABLE CAMERA?? is she blind? can she not see the ten pounder hanging from my body??

** Laken slept through the night last night. Thank you lord!

** For two weeks now i've successfully put my panties on correctly!

** I am a girl. And i collect ties. And i just realized i don't have a green one.

** My current quote over -------------> on the side is by George Bush. God, I love this man. Not because he runs our country, or because i think he's incapable of doing it... but because he, quite frankly, amuses the crap out of me! What's wrong with a boring kind of guy? I guess nothing.

** I am on a diet because i'm tired of being a fat ass... Then i went off and ate fast food THREE TIMES yesterday!

** Last night i was at work talking to one of the guys i am sorta interested in... we talk. We flirt occasionally. but it's all innocent. He has a girlfriend. and he mentions something about getting some new sweaters. I ask him where and he tells me and i say, "Oh! my sister works there..." and he says "who is your sister?" and i say... "Amanda" and he says "no way! that's my cousin!" WHAT?! and where the hell is the nearest exit so i can barf???

** Brynne and i were talking about the phrases we say all too often. Mine are " I guess, what?!, NEXT!, jerkface, jackhole," and my personal favorite "Seriously?"

** Raymond, called asking how to spell Laken's name so he could get it tattooed on his back. UGH! I'm kicking myself for spelling it correctly....

************** and now back to your regularly scheduled program



so i have really been neglecting everything in my life. My schooling (failing o-chem miserably), my blogging... and just myself. i really need to get back to being me.

and what better way to do that than to have a drink named after you. So ladies, this weekend, drink up a Chriselda. Sounds yummy if you ask me.

How to make a chriselda
5 parts anger
5 parts arrogance
1 part energy
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion

How do you make YOUR drink??

This is so true. Especially the five parts anger. Not really sure about the arrogance though. Cause i'm not really an arrogant person. (At least not out loud)

if you type your name in all CAPS... you get something different... and this one is more like me i think....

How to make a CHRISELDA
5 parts competetiveness
1 part silliness
1 part empathy
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little emotion if desired!


i've been bummed about school

i've been hating my job.

i've been worried about my grandma who is having an emergency angiogram done tomorrow.

i've been failing my class. therefore... failing myself.

i've been wanting to scrapbook as a release but feel like i just want to give up on all of it and eBay my stuff. just "here! take it and maybe you'll have better luck!"

i've been a horrible, confusing, frustrating, and agitating person to the people in my life.

One of these days, i'll get back to me. Promise!


Regrets - I've Had a Few...

So i was tagged by Ashley to list my regrets. Sigh. This is almost as hard as finding things about myself that i find sexy. Honestly, i try not to have regrets. There are definitely things in my life that i wish i would have handled differently... so with that being said here is my "meme."

regret: noun) sorrow, regret, rue. sadness associated with some wrong done or some disappointment. verb) be sorry. feel remorse about.

1) Call the meme "Regrets - I've Had A Few"
2) Always refer (and link back) to the blogger who tagged you
3) Always tag (and link to) at least two new bloggers
4) List as many regrets as you like, but list a minimum of one (even if you have to re-interpret the term 'regret' because you feel strongly that you don't have any)
5) Include these five rules in each post as the meme instructions.

*************************** Regretting :

I regret eating that ice cream earlier today because i'm lactose intolerant and the drive home lasted for.ev.er!!
I regret going to the gym this morning for an hour and a half then eating Taco Bell for lunch.
I regret clipping my toe nails because one of them is super short now and makes my big toe look like a little stump - or little smokies sausage...
I regret meeting you cause you're a fake and a phony and i wish i'd never laid eyes on you!!!

*************************** Seriously :

I wish that I had provided Laken with a traditional family - a mom and a dad. That i had made better decisions that night last year. I don't regret it by any means and wouldn't take it back for the world. I just wish the circumstances were different. I wish i didn't have to ask someone to be his father. Ever.

I wish that I had left my marriage sooner than i did. When you realize that you don't want to be with someone, and that they are preventing you from living, breathing, *doing* - it's time to call it quits. But i rode that thing out. I went down with the ship. It really did nothing for me. My logic was "I'm not a quitter" but in the end... regardless if i had jumped ship or gone down with it... i still ended up in the same place. And it hurt just as bad two years later than it would've 6 months into the marriage. (Did i make any sense there?)

I wish that i had more self control and focus. that i could suck it all up and just be done with all the nonsense in my life. I don't like to say i have regrets because a regret to me is something that you are sorry for in your life. sorry that it happened. and i'm not going to apologize for anything in my life. not going to apologize for being a single mom or having a child out of wedlock. not going to apologize for being married and divorced. not going to apologize for those drunken nights that led to stories that start out "one time when i was drunk..." not going to apologize for all the stupid mistakes i've made in my life that have landed me in places where i don't belong. I'm not going to apologize or regret anything period because in doing so - i'm apologizing for who and/or what i am... and that ... i will certainly NOT DO!!!!

AmY, BrYnNe, JeSsIcA you are all it!!! And as kristi says, let this meme spread like a "case of herpes!"