this just in!

• My son has discovered his thumb. poor litte effer. his teeth are ready to rear their ugly heads. makes him cranky as hell. i'm glad i my memory sucks and i don't remember growing pains.
• I've drawn a connection between my morning cup of joe and my daily BM. sorry so crass, but well, this is MY journal...
• My little brother has been gone all summer and is returning this morning. couldn't be happier! you'll hear tons about him when he comes back into my world. he's an awesome uncle to Laken. 14 years old and such a great kid... such a great heart
• kissing = good times. nuff said. and Kristi, i loved your little comment! and surprisingly, there IS alot of talking going on. mainly science because we're both nerds. but life in general just sounds so much more amazing when it's being spoken about by him. WHOLE new perspective and i'm loving that i find it so interesting.
• I have a paternity test 6 days from now. i'm so pissed. so angry. and so hurt for Laken's sake. and well, if i HAD to choose his father, it sure as hell wouldn't be him. and for the record.... it WON'T be him if i have any say in the matter!
• i need to go to the gym. the "snacking on breadsticks" all day has to stop! After shooting a child out from between my legs, i lost shloads of weight. last night on the scale... well- it wasn't very nice.
• Wedding Crashers was hil.ar.ious!!! i haven't laughed so hard in a long time. there were only like 5 people in the theater (it was in the middle of the morning) and at one point, someone turned around and called me a freak! for laughing! oh well, buddy. At least i didn't bring my portable PS2 and play it during the effin' previews! idiot!
• I think i'm a freak show at work. apparently, i sound exactly like Napoleon Dynamite when i say "a freakin' twelve gauge!" so cooks and preps come up to me and say "say freakin' twelve gauge!" i think i'm going to start charging for my little performances.
• I have no life unless you update me on yours. it's amazing how much i love all of you! i wish i knew you on a more three dimensional level. but well, feeling is so much more powerful! so keep living girls!!!
• I roamed around Barnes and Noble yesterday to find an intellectual book to read and replenish my dead brain cells from watching the tube and working with idiots. Walked out with a copy of People magazine. How does this happen?

Must get ready for work because time isn't going backwards. It will only get later. eventually, though... it will get early again! (read that a few times. it makes sense eventually)