Just As i Am...


not a good day so far....

so... i come home from work last night and there's mail on the counter. One is from the Child Support office and reads: Dear Chriselda, the negotiation conference scheduled for 7-12-05 has been CANCELLED. Mr. Gonzales has requested paternity testing. You will be recieve a notice for that appointment.

fine by me.


i swear, i told the lady on the phone this morning that he's doing this to postpone paying any money and to get on my nerves - thinking maybe i'll give up. But, i'll play all day long if he wants! not like i'm all of a sudden NOT GETTING MONEY FROM HIM! i've gone three and a half months without financial support from him - so why would this upset me to have to wait???

and what i think i'm gonna do is just wait for him to take the test, be out that money, and then tell him he has two options:

a. he can relinquish his rights as Laken's father... leave me alone, and i'll leave him alone. that means no child support - NOTHING!


b. he can assume responsibility for Laken and that means FINANCIAL responsibility for him as well.

i'm going to make option B sound really horrible. like "i'm going to come after you for the bupkis you get ordered to pay, and the first time you slide... i'm throwing your sorry ass in jail!" maybe then he'll choose A. cause honestly, what do i need him for now? what does my son need him for? He's only seen him ONCE and we live within ten minutes of the scumbag.

(sorry i am name calling. but i don't understand how people can be so indifferent about having children out in this world and simply don't give a flip.) and i'm not a dramatic person. i don't give him "Baby Mamma Drama" i leave him alone. i don't call, i don't go to his house... nothing. i mind my own business, do my own thing... and he still can't come see his son. Confuses the crap outta me.

and while i'm at it... the whole lack of maintaing responsibilities pisses me off. If you're going to mess around or buy something that you don't have any intention of taking care of... don't flippin' do it in the first place. I'm irritated by people who sign up for things and can't carry it out. People who give up too easily... after a WEEK! read it... ONE WEEK! and i'm supposed to look up to this person? i'm supposed to see her work and say "oh, you did the "right thing." ??? I can only say one thing about this and it's, "ummmmm. NO!"

and to get all that praise and support... i don't think so! suck it up! own up! be an adult. oh, wow...you have kids, a job... and owning a pet is just TOO TOO much. pth. i have a baby... single, go to school full time, work my ass off full time... and i STILL have a pet! you won't see ME running back to the breeder. i'm about to chunk my Scrapbook Inspirations book across the freakin' room cause your name is all over it!

pity. party. Gimme a break and stop acting like you have problems in your pristine little glass house!

(and that, ladies and gentlemen - is my mood for the day!)

****edited to add:

now that i'm calm (kinda) - i'd like to add that it probably WAS the best thing to do to give the doggie back. but i just got frustrated because dogs aren't THAT big of a deal, really. Not in comparison to having a child... which she does. AND! people all over the world juggle this! But, if she honestly thought that she couldn't handle it - then it WAS better that she not keep it. It just frustrated me to see so many people say "it's ok" when she barely tried for a WEEK, and works from home and stuff like that. c'mon...


At 7:41 PM , Blogger Klala said...

Damn, girl!

Sorry you're dealing w/ such shittiness. I pray for the best.

And as far as signing up for too much, I say...Know your limits! Know how lazy or attantive you can be. Before you change the world of an innocent bystander. Nuff said.

At 8:13 PM , Blogger tRicia said...

Ok, so maybe it's not the "right" thing to do, but my lil sis is in the SAME position. I think A is the way to go. That sounds horrible because babies should have mom and dad...even if it's not at the same time. But, if you don't want anything to do with the baby...than I don't feel comfortable with you ever being around the baby. feel me?

I don't know. I pray it all works out. For you, for Megan, for everyone :)

At 9:47 AM , Blogger Ashley said...

hehe You make me giggle. But on the other hand, sorry you're dealing with this. It's so typical of him to want a paternity test. Anything to avoid having responsibility, right? I've always been one to say if one of the parents is no good, then why would you want them to be in your life? I've always said that. I even say that about my dad now, and I live at home with him! But he's a loser and I feel like I don't really "need" him around. However, Laken is his baby and maybe he's too immature or irresponsible to realize the mistake he's making, but someday Laken will probably want to know who his father is. Do you really want to cut him out completely?

At 9:09 AM , Blogger island girl said...

DAMMM...remind me not to get on your bad side!! LOL!!

I too am amazed at people who do not take responsibility for their actions! And to not be a part of your child's life...I could never imagine!

You are an awesome person for doing what you do! It takes a strong person to do what you do and still be fair and logical about it!!

And you are the second blog to mention the dog deal...I guess some people feel they are too good for everyday stresses!! Blah to them!!


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