Just As i Am...


Last dance with...San Antonio

well, the day has finally come where i have to say "this is my last day here!" I'm really sad about it and wish this weren't happening because i've met so many great people here and established so many connections with this city and everything in it.

I mean emotional connections! I'm going to miss the kids i worked with, my friends, my movie theater... In a sense, i feel like i am losing soooo much and just downshifting to such a smaller life. I'm 25, about to move back in with my parents! It's just insanity!

For those of you who don't know... i lost my job unexpectedly after my maternity leave ended. I was supposed to go back to work and two days before that, i got "THE CALL!" It was really devastating. I've been with that family for THREE years and proven myself to be loyal to their family. And in many ways, i feel almost betrayed by this. So it kinda made me feel *alone* here in San Antonio. I have no family here and being a new mommy just changes so much!

I never thought such emotional changes would take place. You always hear about the "things they don't tell you." Well, i read those books, i knew the horrors of pregnancy (and experienced most of them first-hand). But nobody ever told me how much i would *feel* or how overwhelmed with love i would become. Every time i look at my son i just become so peaceful!

this is the tiny face that stares up at me for hours everyday! and i cannot explain to anyone how amazing it is to see him!

So, this move just feels right and ok and wonderful. i have no concerns with anything and crap just seems to trickle down the other side like water on the back of your hand. Just goes away!

am i making any sense at all???


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