Just As i Am...

5.29.2005

A Bath, a bed, and a healthy baby...

this week has just been horrible. I am still trying to get adjusted to moving from a three bedroom two bath townhome into a small 10x10 bedroom! My grandparents from Pennsylvania have been visiting and my new "house" just happens to be the spare bedroom. So... laken and i have set up camp in the living room.

somewhere in the midst of all this craziness and adjusting, laken got sick. Friday afternoon i noticed that he was a little warm so i took his temperature. He had 99.5 so i didn't think much of it. Thought he had been wrapped like a burrito a little too long. Later that afternoon he woke up and wouldn't nurse or take a bottle so i felt him again and thought he had gotten even warmer. So i take his temp and it's 101.5. I figure i'll call the doctor and he'll tell me to give him baby tylenol and a lukewarm bath... nope. We ended up in the emergency room friday night at 7pm. After bloodwork, stool sample, a catheter for a urine sample, an xray, and a SPINAL TAP! they tell me that Laken has a viral infection but they aren't sure what the source is. He's being admitted. So at 2am we FINALLY get into a room and i think we'll finally be able to get some sleep. Nope. The nurses came back in at 4am to take Laken's blood. i absolutely hated it. he cried so hard and i cried even harder. There's something about seeing my son being poked and prodded that killed me little by little over the course of the weekend.

The good thing is that we're both back at home after a 48 hour stay at the hospital. Despite the surprisingly GOOD food - i'm ready to be back and have laken in his own bassinet. He wouldn't sleep in the one at the hospital and i'm sure it has more to do with him being scared and really uncomfortable than it did with him being "spoiled."

I came home and stared at my two month old baby and cried over every bruise, every red dot on his skin from having blood drawn... staring into his puffy, red eyes that - despite everything - still smiled up at me in a loving manner.

I know he'll never remember any of this. My little brother was born with bacterial spinal menangitis and my mom had a horrible time with it. She told me the other night, "He'll never remember this... but you always will."

It's so amazing how much motherhood has changed me emotionally and how much i'm willing to sacrifice for the sake of my child. I was always such a selfish, stubborn person... and within five seconds of having laken in my life, i've ceased to take a priority!

his father is within a ten minute drive from us and couldn't even come up to the hospital to see him. he called and said he would, but never showed up. i'm so disappointed and sad that i got involved with someone like him that wouldn't partake in his son's life.

i hope that one day i can find a loving, fatherly figure for my son... but for right now - i just want to hold my baby and let him soak up the love...

2 Comments:

At 9:47 PM , Blogger Caroline said...

sorry to hear about laken! but glad to hear he's home and well...

 
At 8:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info
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